"You're my one and only thrill..."

To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another. ~Katherine Paterson, Jacob Have I Loved

Hey Everyone!
I was looking through my blog and I realised something...there's something missing...can you figure out what it is? I realised that I don't say much...
I mean I know that I made this blog for my photography, to show the "world" what I'm made of, (photography wise that is). But I think it might actually be time for me to share more of my thought as well. Yes I know, surprisingly enough I do have thought in this 'always-in-a-dreamland' head of mine :)

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially scared me to death. ~Betty Bender

Something has been pressing my mind lately, well not as much pressing as making me restless. I wanna move back to England (or somewhere that is out of this country) and I've been desperately trying to find some schools. I'm full of this enthusiasm for moving away and starting something new and actually getting back to school. But things don't seem to go anywhere...I feel like I'm standing still.
And you know what? I hate fear...I hate it...
For a long looong time I had issues with going to school, fear mostly...fear of failing, or doing errors, fear of giving the wrong answers and fear of being disappointed...better yet being a disappointment. Fear of letting people down...I hate letting people down. Some would say that that sounds like a perfectionist, but I'm far from that. I'm just a chicken I suppose :P
Anyways, I was probably the most thrilled person in the world when I finally, after years of struggling, finished school and started just going to work. But now the time I thought would "never" come, has come and I want to go back to school so baaaad, couse I want to move forward in photography. Be the best that I can be in it. Actually learn all the right terms for things and pick someone else's brain, someone who knows more than I do now and could help me become better...possibly to be one of the best?
Now that I've finally gotten over the fear, things are not moving forward. Oh well, I suppose I just need to be patient and keep looking...I do strangly enough have a feeling inside that things will be alright, that they will go just as they're supposed to go. My life has done that for me so far (even when it has taken a turn I wouldn't have picked out as my first choise) so it might just be possible that it will continue doing just that. So we'll see...
Well I'm sure that the fear kicks in again when I find myself going for interviews for the schools (sounds so funny that you have to be interviewd for a school, but that's how it goes)
I suppose I should just imbrace fear and be thankful for it. With fear, like with almost anything in this life, there's always two ways to go. Either we learn from it or we get crippled by it. It should be something that pushes us forward, makes us grow as humans.
If there was nothing to fear for, life would be pretty empty in my oppinion. Couse usually behind fear there is a feeling that you have something to lose in this life. Something you wanna hold on to dearly. People who say that they aren't scared of anything, that they don't have fears, scare me :D hahah

There are times when fear is good. It must keep its watchful place at the heart's controls. ~Aeschylus

well that was that...thoughts about fear today ladies and gentleman :)
As you can see there's two drawings I made this evening...well I was practising. I haven't drawn in a long looong time and you can see that I'm really rusty. never thought that that would happen, but apparently it can. So bare with me on this. Or maybe I shoukld try and bare with myself on this...I'm always too hard on myself.
Anyways, thought I'd share them with you none the less, so there they are, enjoy!

Thanks for tuning in,

Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them... they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight. ~Orison Swett Marden

1 comment:

Jeffrey said...

I really like that quote by Betty Bender. It was a real punch in the stomach.